2014: The Year of the Glide?

Iceskates.jpgOught to’s. Shoulds. Responsibilities.

Fear.

These are the things that get in the way of my glide–literally and figuratively.

But today, thanks to the feeling of hopefulness that comes at the start of a new year, I took a bite of courage and headed for the local rink.

Never mind that this morning’s session was canceled for a hockey tournament, I hesitantly lugged my skate bag downtown instead where an untouched glassy sheet awaited me outdoors.

Filled with trepidation and ignoring work that needs doing, I shivered in the morning air and laced up my skates. Alone, I cut fresh grooves into the smooth surface and smiled as Frank Sinatra sang to me from the loudspeakers.

Freedom. Breath. Gliding.

Such sweetness doesn’t dissolve anxiety. I’m shaky and so new at this again.

But for this one morning, I showed up.

I need to hold onto that important idea: just showing up. And let go of the things that have shackled me.

I hum the tune from Disney’s Frozen and channel Idina Menzel:

“Let it go, let it go.
Can’t hold it back anymore.
Let it go, let it go.
Turn away and slam the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say.
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway.”

No, I’m not gonna let the cold bother me anymore.

Even as I was enjoying the solitude of flying around the rink with Colorado sunshine warming my face, I wished I had company. I had tried to reach a friend. Emailed, texted, even hung up on voicemail. I nearly used my lack of companionship as an excuse to go home.

Feeling alone in my life—a life with some extra burdens the last few years–has left me aching for warmth and connection.

I can’t let that keep me from having a life that doesn’t feel as though it’s on hold.

It’s time to show up, take those tenuous steps on the ice and beyond and seek my chance to glide.

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About elizamom

Colorado mother of two small boys. One happens to have Down syndrome.
This entry was posted in Confession and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 2014: The Year of the Glide?

  1. Deborah says:

    Eliza, I’m so glad you went alone. I remember one birthday when I was living in NY when I went out on my own to my favorite restaurant, and it was weird…but strangely really nice. Thinking of you. Love you!

  2. Lisa says:

    I think of you often, feeling similarly lately. I miss you, please call if you’d like. Glad you got to go skating, I really enjoyed when we got to go together.

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